Bulwer-Lytton That’s Some Bad Fiction!

It’s that time of the year again – the Bulwer-Lytton award day! The Bulwer-Lytton award honors deliberate attempts at terrible writing to honor English novelist and playwright Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, the guy who started his novel with the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night.”

This year’s grand prize winner:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss–a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

Molly Ringle
Seattle, WA

A couple of my faves:

Winner: Detective

She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so.

Steve Lynch

San Marcos, CA

Winner: Western

He walked into the bar and bristled when all eyes fell upon him — perhaps because his build was so short and so wide, or maybe it was the odor that lingered about him from so many days and nights spent in the wilds, but it may just have been because no one had ever seen a porcupine in a bar before.

Linda Boatright

Omaha, NE

Winner: Romance

“Trent, I love you,” Fiona murmered, and her nostrils flared at the faint trace of her lover’s masculine scent, sending her heart racing and her mind dreaming of the life they would live together, alternating sumptuous world cruises with long, romantic interludes in the mansion on his private island, alone together except for the maids, the cook, the butler, and Dirk and Rafael, the hard-bodied pool boys.

Paul Chafe

Toronto, ON

Runner-Up:

She purred sensually, oozing allure that was resisted only by his realization as an entomologist that the protein dust on the couch from the filing of her crimson nails was now being devoured by dust mites in a clicking, ferocious, ecstatic frenzy.

Jonathan Blay

Bedford, Canada

You can see all the “winners” at the official website! Happy reading!

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