Uwe Boll is my new favorite thing

A long while ago I blogged about Uwe Boll, the terrible film director, who was offering to literally fight 10 rounds with critics blasting his films. Well Uwe’s making news again.

Uwe recently did an interview with horror website FEARnet, in which they discussed a new web petition to get Uwe to stop making films. Here’s how that interview went.

FN: Are you aware that there is a petition online, signed by 18,000 people, requesting that you stop making movies?

UB: Yeah, I know that. 18,000 is not enough to convince me.

FN: How many would it take?

UB: One million. Now we have a new goal.

So that kind of took off like wildfire. The petition jumped from 18,000 to more than 40,000 people really quickly. The New York Magazine ran an article about it.

So I saw on Defamer that Uwe started running his mouth again, and said the following:

I want that there’s a petition also out there — like a pro-Boll petition — and I expect a million votes pro-Boll. And I hope somebody will set it up and you all start signing it, because look: I’m not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business, or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius, you know?

And if you go on May 23 [to] Postal you will see that I deliver a movie that nobody else delivered in the last 10 years, what is way better as all that social-critic, George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend. You have to really wake up, and you have to see me what I am: I am the only genius in the whole fucking business. Goodbye.

Ha! I just checked IMdB and he’s got SIX films in various stages of production right now, one being… Bloodrayne 3.

If you are thinking, “I dunno, he can’t be THAT awful, Kim” let me show you some sample reviews from his last big film, “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” which had a cast of some decent actors. By the way, the Rotten Tomatoes rating on that film was a 2%.

In a peaceful kingdom, a simple farmer (Jason Statham) sees his wife (Claire Forlani) abducted by marauding creatures called “Krug,” who have risen in revolt behind an evil wizard (Ray Liotta). The latest videogame-based movie has a surprisingly strong cast (Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Burt Reynolds, Ron Perlman) and an unsurprisingly silly script (credited to Doug Taylor, Jason Rappaport and Dan Stroncak), bulging with cornball dialogue and gussied up by director Uwe Boll (BloodRayne) with low-rent special effects and washed-out cinematography by Mathias Neumann. It’s like a Florida dinner theater production of The Lord of the Rings, though it’s not without enjoyment if you’re in a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 frame of mind. Matthew Lillard, as a sniveling villain, sets his career back 10 years. News Review

Like actors in an amateur stage play, the large, mostly all-star — or has-been star — cast of “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” look, rather dazedly, to be playing dress-up. – New York Times

There’s a surfeit of plot, all of it generic. The computer-generated castles look as artificial as, well, video-game graphics, and the bloodshed is bloodless, a concession to the PG-13 rating that befits a movie whose target audience is pubescent boys. Connoisseurs of the so-bad-it’s-good school of film appreciation might imagine that the film’s absurdities guarantee a good time: Liotta swanning around in a sequined Nehru jacket and attacking Statham with a blizzard of books; a tribe of tree-dwelling lesbian hotties (including Kristanna Loken) who swing around on vines and wear leather short-shorts; Sobieski voguing in her fetching suit of custom-made armor; any number of ill-considered scraps of dialogue — “So… where are you from?” Bastian chattily asks the pretty girl chained next to him in Gallian’s dank dungeon. But brevity is the soul of camp, and at close to two-and-a-half hours, Boll’s film is just too exhausting to be fun. – TV Guide

All’s I’m saying is that if you want to go sign the petition, or see how it’s doing, you should go here. Uwe is nothing, if not, entertaining. Just not, you know, in the movie theatre.

Uwe Boll thumbs up